Exactly nine years ago in my sophomore year of college I was rehearsing my very first opera: La Bohème. I was the cover's cover, but they allowed me to sing one performance as Musetta. I didn't know then that a hierarchy of music exists. Or rather, I hadn't developed my own. The thing is, Boheme is absolutely without question one of the most brilliant works ever to be composed. The music feels like its coming out of your own soul as it swells into your ears. It is magical. I was grateful to participate, and I had a marvelous time, but I really didn't understand what an opportunity it was! The production was traditional, as they always are at BYU where all value is given to the composer intention and to introducing people to a story which is 99% of the time new to them. Bless Dr. Lawrence Vincent for that. Anyway, as I was only the cover's cover, the costume shop didn't bother making me a costume. They pulled a red parade float from their stocks and acted like I should be grateful. It was too big, so they pinned in on the outside and promised they'd take it in before my performance. Well, my big day came and they had forgotten to alter the costume. It seems kinda petty now, but at the time, bathed in nerves and insecurity, I nearly burst into tears. A miraculous thing happened, though. Another singer, super talented, who by right should have had the part herself but who had sung the lead in the opera a year before so was disqualified and was therefore demoted to the chorus, grabbed the dress and said, "You're not looking ugly on your night!" She pinned it on the inside right in the nick of time and I went on feeling as fabulous as you should to sing Musetta. So, my big scene in the second act came and I felt triumphant. Actually, it was a major turning point for me. I knew I loved opera and performance and languages, but I had always felt on the outside of things. Every theatrical experience had left me feeling like I didn't quite fit. Somehow disproportionately loud and large and wild. But Musetta allowed me all of those characteristics and singing there in the middle of a stage full of people with a full orchestra in an enormous hall, I was just right. I was BORN for this! That was the day I decided to genuinely pursue singing for my life. I had known that I enjoyed it, even loved it, but I hadn't known it was my niche on the planet until Musetta.
The other female role, Mimi, is probably more fitting to my throat, but I'm glad I got to sing Musetta first. She can belong to whomever plays her. Mimi has been more stigmatized. How she should look and act. People are chock-full of opinions about how she thinks and feels and is. I am 5'11 and was therefore told by many sources I shouldn't waste my time looking at the role because I'd never be paid to sing her.
Well, tonight I make my role debut as Mimi at the Semperoper in Dresden. I can't do it as demurely as perhaps somebody else would, but I will bring my own something to it and it will be worth hearing and seeing. The thing about stigmatizing a character is that if there were only one right way, why do we do it again and again? I am a different Mimi than this world has ever seen, and I am THRILLING to get to pass this refulgent music over my throat. It glides and gushes and tastes like forbidden fruit. And it turns out there is nothing standing in my way because in Dresden they don't mind that I am so tall! It turns out there are many ways to tell a story, there are as many stories as there are people, and each of those stories is worthy of telling. Love comes in every possible different permutation. It is pervasive and delicious. I celebrate that tonight by being a tall "Piccina".
Toi toi toi!
